I'm standing still, alone on the black top of an empty street. A single lamp overhead casts a sepia tone through the dense fog settling in around me. My eyes look slowly from side to side as I try to make sense of the quiet, peaceful calm I feel despite the horrific awareness that my child has died. The surreal feelings remain as I roll over and spoon his little body next to me in bed, relieved … [Read more...] about The Offers
Epilepsy caregivers
Aiyana Kalealani We Love You
“Can God do anything mom?” It can be useful to answer a question with another question when you don’t have an answer, “Like what? What do you wonder if God can do, Oscar?” “A cartwheel. Can God do a cartwheel?” My 5 year old son wants to know. In fact, God can do a cartwheel. He’s doing one now. Head over heels, he’s taken the whole world with him. Round and round, up and over, finally co … [Read more...] about Aiyana Kalealani We Love You
Welcome Friend
When I saw I'd missed 3 calls from an old friend in the middle of the night, I almost didn't call her back. My name starts with "A" so I am often butt-dialed. But I was on vacation alone in Washington, so her timing was perfect. Sitting on the edge of a forest, overlooking the ocean and having a long, uninterrupted conversation with an old friend sounded dreamy. "Who is this?" she answered … [Read more...] about Welcome Friend
And She Was
"¿No estoy yo aquí que soy tu madre?" I hadn't expected the drumming. I felt the pounding in my chest before I smelled the copal. Smoke billowed up from the plaza filled with tens of thousands of pilgrims. Dancing, crying, nursing mothers everywhere . . . images of la Virgen were everywhere . . . large statues, faded prints and homemade altars tied on backs, strapped to wheelchairs and s … [Read more...] about And She Was
Status Update
I was suppose to be there to pick him up at 2 o'clock. Except the entire day was setting me up. A $13.47 errand took me to 3 different shops across town. When I got the call from the school at 10 past, I was certain it was just to reassure my son that I was on my way. Instead, it was that call. The worst call. "An 8 1/2 minute seizure on the playground at recess. The ambulance is on their way. He … [Read more...] about Status Update
“Happy” Epilepsy Awareness Month
November is Epilepsy Awareness Month and I apologize for not posting earlier. I really tried but found myself bored while reviewing the usual. All stuff we need to share, I'm sure, but I just wasn't feeling any of it. Struggling with my motivation and finding a topic to create awareness around, I sat down to write and decided to simply start where I'm at. Checking in I noticed I'm really, … [Read more...] about “Happy” Epilepsy Awareness Month
Looking for it
"You're looking for certainty," my son's neurologist reflected. I lowered by chin and raised my eyebrows with pursed lips. I've been Buddhish for over 20 years and work in the field of death and dying. I'm pretty sure I don't believe in certainty. And certainly not when it comes to epilepsy treatment. I saw this post on brilliant Elizabeth's blog a couple days after this appointment and made … [Read more...] about Looking for it
By The Graces Of The Goddess
"Hello? Are you still there?" My phone has been dropping calls lately. The line remained flat until she came up for air with a shallow, pressured breath. She sobbed. My heart fell into the hard stone that was now my solar plexus. With a slow breath, I answered my own question, "I know, mama. I'm still here too." Still holding that line with you. The one that feels . . . so . . . thin . . . … [Read more...] about By The Graces Of The Goddess
