I was suppose to be there to pick him up at 2 o’clock. Except the entire day was setting me up. A $13.47 errand took me to 3 different shops across town. When I got the call from the school at 10 past, I was certain it was just to reassure my son that I was on my way. Instead, it was that call. The worst call. “An 8 1/2 minute seizure on the playground at recess. The ambulance is on their way. He is safe, uninjured and already talking.”
“Who is this?” I asked, gripping the steering wheel and driving faster through the rain. The pounding in my ears made it hard to hear and connect with anything she was saying.
Apparently, this is our winter. My son had his first seizure on a rainy night in February 2013 and didn’t stop seizing until February 2014. He had his first break through seizure last January too, almost to the day of this rainy day. Not long after, he had a second one at school. Does that mean another one is coming?
I feel watched. What a creep. Epilepsy is such a dick. We’ve been trying to cope with some surprising low-blows over here, in general. So I guess I should have known this was coming, because that’s the mean spirit of the epilepsy I know.
As I sit in the dark on the edge of the bed next to him, I’m reassured by his soft snores that he’s still with me. I touch his face often. If I wasn’t here, typing this now, I don’t know where I’d be. Detached from my body. I’m noticing a comfort in what must be shock tempting me to float away . . . anywhere . . . hopefully back to that place I was 9 hours ago where seizures were almost a faded memory.
Except my racing heart keeps me attached - to my body, to reality, to fear. I don’t know how to live with seizures without it.
In love and light sweet child. He is blessed you are his mother. Thank you for your strength and determination, that you help and share with others that are living what is unknown to some of us. I can only imagine, because this isn’t me.
I love you woman! Twenty minute hug coming your way.
Can I get 25?
Oh, Allison. I am so sorry! You beat it before, you guys will beat it again. Let me know what I can do to help. Love you!
You’re an amazing man m and advocate. Love you guys. Stay strong my friend. Take over control. ❤️❤️❤️
You. YOU. 😭
Such wisdom. I am in awe. The sisterhood of those of us on “the road less traveled” are locking elbows and circling strong around you and your little one. My heart tells me that because of you, he will be a shining example and teacher of transcendence and power. I honor and share your Motherpain.
Oh Jean. I am constantly kneeling at your feet with my head in your lap. You must have felt me there this morning. I love you.
Stay as long as you need to.
Oh damn Allison. I am so so sorry. What the hell is going on???
I wish I knew. You and your boy are especially in my heart.
I love you Alli. I am thinking of you strongly right now and sending mama bear strength all your way sister. 💚
Irene Castruita says
Hey mama, this is Irene (Galaxy’s mom). I heard about what happened to Robby today at school. I just can’t stop thinking about him. You know I love your son very much. I’m just sending prayers and lots of love your way. I don’t know if there’s anything I could do to help but if so, please don’t hesitate to contact me. Even if its just to take you guys a meal, just let me know. Much love and light to you all.
Irene Castruita says
I emailed you this on Friday to your Facebook. Just wanted to make sure you know that we are here for you.
Thank you thank you I’ll be in touch for sure mama We love you guys too!
My heart aches for you and your family. Stay strong! Hugs and prayers your way
First off I love how raw, real and amazing you are always! And remember the day you learned it could and would be different? That day will be again. Holding a candle, a sword and a cup of tea for you sister. I love you!!! And I love that picture! Wow, so many moons ago.